I think my last post mentioned that I love my parents…and I do. But last week my younger “brother” moved back home and life here got even worse. We don’t get along: AT ALL!!! I’m not just being the older sister who picks on everything he does. He is the literal black sheep of the family, 19 and refuses to get a job, which leaves me to clean up after him even though I am employed and a full time grad student.
I try to live like I’m on my own, even going as far as making my bedroom into a mini apartment and staying as far away from him and the tv room.
The main problem is that a lot of my stuff is missing. I pay for everything for myself (except rent which is free since I live in my childhood bedroom). I pay for most of my food, all gas, school stuff, and anything else I need. I have absolutely no money and even though I am employed I only just started last week.
Sorry if this post is annoying rant but I can’t take it anymore. It hasn’t even been a week and I already want to run away and live in a box just so I don’t have to fight with him or live with the “happy little family”.
I’m so done and I have absolutely no options whatsoever.
My life at this point in time is so not what I had planned, and I honestly wonder what lesson God wants me to learn being transported back to high school life.
So, I’m all for some fun shopping. In fact I just bought a couple dresses…but they were on sale. I am definitely not one to spend a ton of money on any one item in particular, however amazing it might be. But today I was assaulted more so by the ever growing state of consumerism. Every now and then these kind of moments slap me in the face, and I guess its my own fault for wasting some spare time walking around Dick’s Sporting Goods and now chilling in a Starbucks, but…wow. I probably shouldn’t be shocked by people anymore, but sitting here listening to all the conversations around me I just want to go up and knock some sense into some of these people. If I have to hear another teenager whine about how Daddy got them the black iPhone 5 and not the white one and how it’s so unfair…I might just crack.
But here’s where it gets really wrong. All I have done with my time the last couple of weeks is search ebay for iPhone deals and obsessing over how much I want to trade my kindle fire tablet and get an iPad mini. So messed up. So as much as I judge these annoying girls behind me, I have to take a serious look at myself as well. Maybe it is the boredom that has permanently entered my brain, but there is no excuse to waste my time, energy, and future funds on things that are definitely not necessary when I have plenty.
These moments are definitely when I think “Ok, ok. I get it, I suck too.” But by the grace of God that judgement won’t start in my brain.
Having moved back in with my parents I have come to realize a few things. 1) I don’t like being confined to my bedroom because I have no place else to go. 2) I find myself so bored because I have nothing to do and this laziness is only amplified by the fact that living at home feels like constant Christmas vacation. 3) I dread the day, two weeks from now, when my little brother also moves back in with us.
And most importantly 4) Although I love my family, I can’t wait to get out.